


Third Time's The Charm

by alkjira



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Glitter, Happy Ending, M/M, Magical Accidents, Oblivious Morons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 15:38:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3387119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alkjira/pseuds/alkjira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My original notes for this:</p><p>MAGIC (!)<br/>And then Thorin appears to be in love with Bilbo.<br/>Profit.</p><p>////</p><p>“Thorin, will you please eat this dandelion for me?”</p><p>Thorin gives him a pained look. “I would battle Dragons for you.”</p><p>“Then this will be really easy for you?” Bilbo tries, holding the drooping weed out for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Third Time's The Charm

**Author's Note:**

> I originally planned to have this in the Small, Cute and Cuddly collection, but it didn't quite seem to fit.  
> This isn't small cute and cuddly as much as small-ish, cracky and oddly obnoxious. 
> 
> Warning: crack ahead, and random Wizard appearances that doesn't even pretend to make sense.

Everyone blames Radagast even though he swears he's innocent before running away; claiming urgent business elsewhere.  
  
Gandalf has already disappeared somewhere, which would be suspicious if he didn’t already disappear all the time, whenever it's convenient. For him, that is.  
  
Bilbo wants to disappear too, only it is very hard to disappear when being stalked by a lovesick, pining Thorin.  
  
The magic responsible for this had been loud and flashy and forced everyone to pick small glittering bits out of their hair for days afterwards. Bilbo's _still_ finding the stuff on himself every once in a while, and the little sparkly bit that had been sitting on Thorin's cheek for an entire day had almost driven him mad.  
  
But it's gone now. Because entirely too many days has passed since _something_ made Thorin think that he is in love with Bilbo and if it's not fixed soon Bilbo is going to… he is…

He might very well _explode_ from the sheer injustice of being in love with someone who _thinks_ that he returns Bilbo’s feelings, but doesn’t. Not really. Not that he knows that there are feelings to return, because well, magic. Bilbo is hardly going to pretend this is real.  
  
Magic.  
  
Gandalf’s excellent fireworks aside, Bilbo has never liked magic. Magic is the very epitome of things that makes you late for dinner. Or makes Dwarven Kings pick you flowers and offer to carry your pack and comb your hair and sing you to sleep and repeat over and over again how much they -

 _Magic_ …  
  
And then Radagast is suddenly back, rabbits and all, and Bilbo is about to strangle him on general principle. However before he can do that the Wizard hides behind Bofur, and then Dwalin, and then Dori (Bilbo is very determined to strangle him, and rather quick-footed) .  
  
“Wait, wait,” Radagasts huffs. “I think I can break the spell!”  
  
“What?” Bilbo says, eyes wide. “Yes, do it _now_.”  
  
“There’s no spell,” Thorin protests, giving Bilbo a hurt look. It’s… unfairly attractive even though Bilbo is sure that finding a morose, enchanted Thorin attractive is probably morally unsound.  
  
“ _Now_ ,” Bilbo repeats, glaring at Radagast.  
  
“He needs to eat a dandelion,” Radagast says, now peering out from behind Bifur. “It’s not a love spell, at least I think it’s not. As I really, truly, didn’t have anything to do with it it’s a little hard to-“  
  
“Not a love spell?” Kíli asks. “But uncle never acted this way with Bilbo before. He was a lot more grumpy for one.”  
  
“He never picked flowers,” Fíli agrees.  
  
“It’s not a love spell but it’s likely a spell to get rid of inhibitions,” Radagast explains and Fíli and Kíli make thoughtful humming sounds. "Possibly a bit of a truth spell in there too."  
  
Fíli and Kíli's humming intensifies, but Bilbo is livid, something Radagast clearly doesn’t expect as Bilbo is able to grab him before he hides behind someone else.  
  
“How could you,” Bilbo hisses, trying to shake the Wizard, something not terribly effective at all, because even if Radagast is small for a Wizard (or Man) he’s still taller than even Dwalin. “You have no right to take that choice away from anyone. One is not _obliged_ to tell someone of one's feelings.”  
  
Bilbo can just imagine the terror he'd feel if he'd gone and blurted his own feelings to Thorin out of the blue.  
  
Not to mention that it’s very likely a love spell regardless of what Radagast thinks. A small part of Bilbo is hopeful that the Wizard is right, but the larger part of Bilbo knows better than to trust the expertise of anyone with bird excrement in their hair. But love spell or other spell, Bilbo is not pleased in the least.  
  
“It wasn’t me,” Radagast yelps, seemingly forgetting that he’s a Wizard and Bilbo is a Hobbit. “I promise. I wouldn’t!”  
  
“Fix him,” Bilbo growls, sounding like an angry puppy, but apparently Radagast is not a fan of puppies because he squeaks something about dandelions before managing to squirm away from the irate Hobbit.  
  
A few moments later Radagast is on his way somewhere far away, rabbits running as fast as their little, or large as it were, feet can carry them. _Shame_ , one of them thinks. Because if twelve Dwarfs and a Hobbit are about to start hunting down dandelions there might be more than needed, and dandelions makes _excellent_ snacks.  
  
-

Despite Thorin’s protests a dandelion is quickly found and Dwalin is about to pinch Thorin’s nose shut so he’ll open his mouth when Bilbo steps in.  
  
“Thorin, will you please eat this dandelion for me?”  
  
And at the top of the lists of things Bilbo never thought he’d say…. Well, claiming that all of the Dwarfs had parasites in their tubes was still holding strong at number one, but this had to be a close second.  
  
Thorin gives him a pained look. “I would battle Dragons for you.”  
  
“Then this will be really easy for you?” Bilbo tries, holding the drooping weed out for him.

Radagast didn’t specify which part of the dandelion Thorin had to eat, but they’ll at least try it without the roots first and see if that still does the trick.  
  
And it does.  
  
As soon as Thorin swallows his expression changes.  
  
You could say that a swarm of angry bees inside a thundercloud inside a volcano would look more cheerful than him in that very moment, and you could say that without it being an exaggeration.  
  
Then Thorin faints.  
  
When he wakes up again Bilbo has been debating with himself for quite a while if he should confess that he returns Thorin’s feelings.  
There’s the small issue of him not being sure if those feelings were actually Thorin’s or just brought on by a spell...  
  
And it’s indeed the latter that seems to be the case.  
  
Bilbo would almost believe that Thorin is still under some sort of magic, because the way he manages to entirely avoid Bilbo during the next few hours is nothing a normal person should be able to pull off when they’re all going the same way, at the same time, in the same company. But still Thorin manages.  
  
He’s probably too embarrassed about the way he acted. Him, a Dwarven King, in love with a Hobbit of the Shire. Ridiculous.  
  
Still, that doesn’t mean that Bilbo doesn't go from wanting to strangle Radagast to wanting to strangle Thorin when the latter thanks him for not ‘taking advantage of the situation’.  
  
“Of course I wouldn’t,” Bilbo splutters. “How could you- I would _never_ \- That’s-“  
  
Then Bilbo pauses, and the outburst of righteous indignity loses its forward motion.  
  
Thorin looks… sad.  
  
“I understand,” he says quietly.  
  
There’s absolutely no reason for him to look sad because Bilbo didn't, _doesn’t_ , want to touch him inappropriately. Well, there’s indeed no reason for anyone to be sad over that, but what if…what if Thorin thought that Bilbo didn’t want to touch him _appropriately_ either? What if that’s what made him sad?  
  
However when Bilbo tries to kiss him he protests.  
  
At this point Bilbo is very confused and very exasperated by Dwarfs in generally. A little unfairly perhaps, as Thorin is just a single Dwarf, but it has been a long couple of days for Bilbo so he can’t be expected to be entirely reasonable at this point.  
  
“There is no need to cater to my-“ Thorin begins, as stiffly as if someone had stuffed something slimy and unpleasant down his trousers and told him that if he makes even a single grimace another Dragon will move into Erebor.  
  
“Cater?”  
  
“I will not bother you,” Thorin says, and amazingly enough he appears to achieve an entirely new level of stiff, his shoulders two rigid line of tension, his spine another, and it’s possible he’s not even breathing. It’s enough to make Bilbo worry that Thorin would crack if he happened to fall down. “And I am sorry for my behaviour.”  
  
“It was rather sweet actually,” Bilbo says, a touch wistfully. Perhaps a little too wistfully, because he receives an odd look from Thorin. “Of course- I know you didn’t really want to pick me flowers,” he hastens to add.  
  
“That’s not-“ Thorin bites his tongue, and the silence that settles over them feels very embarrassed.  
  
“Thorin?” Bilbo takes a step closer. “Did you _want_ to pick me flowers?”  
  
“I won’t trouble you with it,” Thorin says quietly, and then his eyes grow wide when Bilbo tries to kiss him again and he pushes Bilbo away, but very gently.  
  
“Do you or do you not want to kiss me?” Bilbo huffs. “Because I don’t know what giving someone flowers means to Dwarfs, but to me it’s not-“  
  
“I will not take something not freely given,” Thorin growls, taking a step back and Bilbo follows him.  
  
“That makes two of us,” Bilbo promises. “But if you’re not under any spells, and I’m not under any spells, and we still want to give each other _flowers_ , I think that’s more than all right.”  
  
“You- wish to give me _flowers_?”  
  
As Thorin has now stopped to stare down at Bilbo in something that might be amazement, or might be just him being aghast over the idea of receiving flowers; or possibly he's forgotten what flowers even are, it’s easy enough for Bilbo to step into his personal space and gently place his hands on Thorin’s arms.  
  
“I want to give you _much_ more than flowers,” Bilbo murmurs before raising himself up on his toes, leaning in slowly just in case Thorin still isn’t in favour of the concept of kissing.  
  
But apparently third time’s the charm after all. Even more so when magic is not really involved.

**Author's Note:**

> PEOPLE, THIS WAS MY HUNDREDTH STORY  
> CELEBRATE WITH ME!
> 
> Oddly suitable, lol, I do think crack is sort of my side of the pond so to speak.
> 
> I don't know, at the moment my brain seems to have locked on to: story ideas that could be fleshed out into something proper, something less cracky, but brain doesn't want to do that.
> 
> Like, there's an actual good story in this plot bunny. Proper set-up, more in depth, more angst, more everything.  
> Except crack, lol.  
> Oh, proper dialogue. That would be nice.
> 
> *pokes brain*
> 
> Still, 100 stories, good job, brain. You still get a cookie.  
> (answering comments earliest tomorrow btw)


End file.
